Always Have, Always Will
by linksofmemories
Summary: There were six snapshots in time that stood out beyond all others. Those moments were always full of her and the intoxication she held over him.


**Baby ballerina's,  
Hiding somewhere in the corner.  
Where the shadow wraps around her,  
And our torches cannot find her.  
She will stay there till the morning,  
Crawl behind us as we are yawning.  
And she will leave our game,  
To never be the same.**

**- Sugarcane by Missy Higgins**

* * *

**01. Beginning**

He remembered the first time he saw her as someone unique. She was always just Sakura's best friend to him; nothing special. She had a certain air about her that was for sure, but nothing that held his interest. So that one night when he felt a certain pique of interest for her he paid more attention.

It was some concert at the school that Sakura had been begging him to go to. Tomoyo was supposed to have a big solo and dad wasn't around to drive her. Toya took her instead and leaned against the back wall of the auditorium to watch. All of the kids had high-pitched childish voices that made his skin itch. He acknowledged that they were trying their best, but it was still kind of annoying.

After an hour of headaches Tomoyo came on to the stage. Toya clapped like a good sport along with everyone else even though he had a feeling that his headache was only going to be induced. A piano started to play and after a couple of seconds a beautiful voice reached his ears. It sounded childish, but in a gentle and soothing way.

Toya looked up at the stage and locked eyes with Tomoyo almost instantly. She looked so perfect and fragile like a porcelain doll. How could he have not noticed her beauty before? Her big eyes gave a few blinks when their eyes met, but her voice never faltered. She finished the song and bowed to the roar of applause she received.

The concert was over soon after the performance and Toya and Sakura met up with Tomoyo afterward. Sakura bombarded her with hugs and praise. Tomoyo was embarrassed by Sakura's excitement, but seemed please by it nonetheless.

"Yeah, you were really good," Toya said in agreement to Sakura's excitement.

"Oh, thank you," Tomoyo said, giving him a smile.

Toya grinned back and took note that she was even more beautiful when she smiled. Then he stopped himself. What was he thinking? She was ten years-old, seven years his junior, and his little sister's best friend. He was almost out of high school and she was close to starting middle school.

So, he pushed all thoughts of her from his head.

* * *

**02. Friendship**

She was 13 and he was 20 when his mind started to dread back into the place he had buried three years prior. She and Sakura were talking about how excited they were that they would be third years soon at the kitchen table. He had just gotten off of work and had walked into the kitchen to look around for something to snack on before dinner.

Sakura had already changed out of her school uniform, but Tomoyo was still in hers. Her long hair was down today in waves with a white headband holding her bangs in place. The skirt on the uniform seemed shorter than what one would expect which drew his attention to her legs and then to her small waist and up to her- Okay, that was enough. He mentally smacked himself and ignored their talking as he searched through the cabinets.

"It's in my room," Sakura said. "I'll only be a second."

"Take your time," Tomoyo replied.

Sakura nodded and exited the kitchen to go retrieve whatever from her room leaving Toya and Tomoyo alone. He washed off an apple and dried it on his shirt before turning to face Tomoyo. She was sitting at the table with her legs crossed and hands folded together. He took a bite out of the apple gaining a loud crunch as he broke the skin. Tomoyo looked at him and her cheeks turned a light pink when she realized he was watching her.

"So, how's middle school?" Toya asked after swallowing a bite of apple.

"It's nice," she said. "There's a lot more freedom than there was in elementary school."

"Yeah, well it only gets better," he said.

She nodded and then awkward silence filled the air. He really needed to learn how to sharpen his communication skills. "What's Sakura getting from her room?"

"A video of her latest cheerleading performance," Tomoyo said. "I missed it because I was sick."

He hadn't been to one of her performances in awhile and suddenly felt that want to go. He knew that Tomoyo was always there and he wouldn't mind just talking to her even though it seemed like there was barely anything to say right now.

"How's the whole choir thing working out?" he asked.

"It's going well," she said. "I've got another concert coming up soon."

"Really? When is it?"

"In about a week," she said then caught on to what he was implying. "Um, would you like to go?"

"Oh, sure," Toya said.

The conversation seemed easier after that. He spent more time talking to her than he had before. It was good that he didn't think of her as a girl or Sakura's best friend, but just as a person. He attended her choir concert and took note that her voice had matured and become quite beautiful. When his college classes ended close to when after school choir practice let out he would give her a ride home. She came home with Sakura a lot and when she did they would always talk and Sakura would just sit there with her eyes going from her friend to her brother.

* * *

**03. Hurt**

Toya watched as she sat on the curb as it rained outside. Her arms hugging her knees as she gazed off into the distance. It was after a choir concert and Toya had watched 15 year-old Tomoyo sing a perfect solo for the thousandth time. Her voice was now at its permanent stage and it sounded mature and alluring to him. She was still too young for him, but slowly she was aging and he knew that patience was key in this situation.

He walked through the auditorium doors and out into the pouring rain. Sitting down next to her, he took note of the tears streaming down her cheeks and blending in with the rain. Toya shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders and draped it over her. She looked at him with swollen eyes.

Tomoyo was hurt. More hurt than he could possibly imagine a single person being. She had held on to him and thanked him so many times, but for what? He was too late. A minute earlier would have saved her, but he didn't get there in time.

After the concert a third year boy had asked her to come with him. She was naive and innocent and unable to see the bad in people, so she went along. He led her to an empty classroom in the school building and had shoved her down. The bastard kept claiming that he loved her, that he cared for her, that everything was going to be okay. Toya saw her disappear with him and after awhile went looking for her. He had promised her mother that he would get her home safely.

When he opened the door to the classroom his stomach churned with disgust. She was sobbing and trying to push the guy away but her strength was no match for his. She was without clothing and most likely without anymore hope. Toya acted on instinct and grabbed the guy's collar, pulling him up before making solid contact with his nose. He threw the kid out of the room and was about to just kill him when he heard a small voice from behind him.

"Thank you," Tomoyo had sobbed. "Thank you so much, Toya."

He closed the classroom door and turned away as she dressed back into her clothes. Toya turned back around to see her knees shaking and marks along her neck. Her eyes and lips were swollen and Tomoyo wouldn't look at him.

"Are you ready to go?" Toya asked her, talking louder than necessary over the rain.

Tomoyo gave a small nod and he helped her to her feet. They walked to his motorcycle in silence with his arm around her waist to steady her. Handing her a helmet, he looked once again at her lips. Those lips that had sung such a beautiful song were now tainted by a monster. Who knew how long before they were cleared of the toxin that occupied them now?

Without thinking - because he surely would have stopped himself - he slid his hand behind the nape of her neck and tilted her chin up with the other. He pressed his lips against hers and he knew that she was broken. She had probably been saving her virginity for someone special, someone she loved and tonight it was stolen. The one thing only she could give away was now gone without her consent.

Small hands clutched at his shirt and rain mixed with the kiss that he knew would do little to help. They parted from each other and he held her close to him. His chin rested on top of Tomoyo's head just like a perfect fit. He would always remember when his "I'm sorry" mixed with her "thank you".

* * *

**04. Restraints**

Her hair, face, body, everything about her had started off as pure innocence and now it was just taunting him. Her curves, her lips, her legs; everything was perfection and he was often caught with his eyes lingering a little too long.

She was still broken though and it hurt when he saw her thinking about it. It was obvious when she was. Her hands would clasp and she'd bite her lip and just look into the sky with a mourning expression. Something about those moments was just painful to watch, but he couldn't look away out of fear that she might break again.

He had moved out of the house he shared with his father and sister and was now in an apartment. It wasn't much, but it was freedom and enough to live off of. College was over and he had a few part-time jobs as he slowly started to build his career. He saw Tomoyo less and less, sometimes weeks went by without her.

That particular day he arrived at his apartment to see her sitting in front of his door, 17 years-old and more beautiful than he could have possibly imagined. He invited her in and they talked for a couple of hours about nothing important. Tomoyo seemed better that day than she had been in awhile so he was a little confused when she started to cry.

His heart always ached when he saw her like that. He would just hold her until she stopped because he knew that he was burdened as well. Not nearly as much as she, but he was the only one who knew so he was the only one who could really be there for her.

"I've been living with this for two years now," she mumbled into his shirt.

"I'm so sorry," he said because he didn't know what else to say.

"You've been so kind to me," she continued. "You haven't told anyone about it and you even... erased his kiss."

Toya froze and leaned his head back against the couch. Don't do it. Just don't. Don't you dare kiss her right now. Her legs swung on to his lap and he closed his eyes and started to even his breathing as best as he could. He felt a small hand on his shoulder and it took all of his strength to not look at her.

"Tomoyo, don't," he said, his eyes still shut tight.

"Why?" she asked and he heard the pain etched across her voice.

"Because I won't be able to hold back if you do."

So she didn't.

* * *

**05. Finally**

Nineteen was now his absolute favorite number, because that was her age when he finally said it and she finally said it back.

He didn't feel guilty when he was caught with his eyes on her body. When this happened and she was the one who caught him he would just shrug and give her a cocky grin. This would make her blush and turn away. Toya was completely content their relationship as friends. People misinterpreted them as a couple all the time, but he always felt obligated to set them straight. They both wanted to be together and in a way they were.

She was curled up on the couch in his apartment sound asleep. Tomoyo stayed over a lot which made him quite happy. She lived in a dorm, so no one minded it. Well, her mother probably would if she knew, but that was beside the point. He would offer her his bed, she would say no and sleep on the couch instead.

Tonight seemed different somehow. A full moon lit up the night sky and its rays fell into the small living room of his apartment. He was about to head to his room when his eyes caught her sleeping form. Dark hair caressed her face and slow, steady breathing was barely audible.

He watched her, taking in her pure beauty. She stirred and her eyes became half-lidded as tears formed in them. A bad dream most likely. He walked over to her and sat down on the couch next to her, placing an arm around her.

"Bad dream?" he asked, stroking her hair.

"No, good dream," she said.

"Then why do you look so sad?" he questioned.

"Because it wasn't real," she said and then looked at him.

Her eyes could read him like no one else possibly could. He was completely bare and open around her. He could read her just as well too. Toya knew exactly what the dream was about.

"I love you," he muttered, pressing his forehead against hers. "But you already knew that."

"I just wanted to hear it," she confessed with a smile. "I love you too, but that's not the only thing that happened in the dream..."

Her voice trailed off. He got the hint. She was barely broken anymore, she barely mourned about the loss of her most sacred thing. She was stronger than before. This act would be easy for her, a real breeze.

Thinking would be a stupid thing to do, so he didn't. He acted alone on physical need and desire for her, which he had a lot of. Lowering himself on top of her on the couch and kissing her with all of his energy made him feel complete. He had waited so long for this.

He slid her shirt over her head and kissed her earlobe. "Are you scared?"

"Just a little," she confessed quietly.

He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "It won't be scary. Not this time."

"Promise?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Always," he promised.

There wasn't anyone around except for the shining moon in the sky. It was so easy to get completely lost in her. All five of his senses were always filled with her and now they were at their peak. It was over sooner than he wanted. He carried her to his room and placed her on his bed before climbing under the covers next to her. Tomoyo snuggled up to Toya's chest and they fell into blissful sleep.

* * *

**06. Melody**

After making love, if she wasn't too tired, she would always sing softly. The song was never anything particular, just a pointless tune. He loved it all the same. She moved in with him and their secret relationship was soon public to family and friends, but they didn't mind. At 21 and 28 years-old, Tomoyo and Toya didn't care. They loved each other and that was all that mattered.

She was singing some beautiful song like always and he smiled at her. Her bare chest was covered loosely by a thin sheet and they were sharing a pillow; their lips were barely inches apart. It was times like these that made everything worthwhile. She was so breathtaking that he couldn't possibly believe that she was his. When the song had finished he gave a smile and cupped her cheek before placing a kiss on her lips. He felt her smile against his lips. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, asking permission to enter. She complied and he pushed his tongue past her teeth and into her mouth.

His lips soon left hers and found the flesh of her neck. Sucking and biting lightly caused a small erotic moan from between her lips. Toya pulled back from her neck and looked at her with an amused expression. Tomoyo covered her mouth with her hand and a flush covered her cheeks.

"That was-," she started.

He moved her hand from her mouth, cut her off with a kiss, and finished the sentence for her. "-Kind of sexy."

Her face turned an even darker shade of red and he laughed. She was so easy to tease. Everything about her was just as easy as breathing.

"God, I love you," he said.

"I love you too," Tomoyo said, the color on her cheeks slowly draining.

"Always have, always will," Toya said, placing a kiss on her forehead.

**The End.**

* * *

**I really liked writing that. Review! God bless!**

**- Erin aka linksofmemories**


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